Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
