if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
