I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
