Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
