I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
