I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
