I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
