We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
