it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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