So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This is classic penis vs brain.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
