Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
