Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
