I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
