I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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