If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Im part way to drunk.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
