i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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