I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
