Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
