just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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