I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
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