I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
