He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
