i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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