Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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