she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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