my vag is so smooth its legendary
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
