I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
