someone threw a dead crab at me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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