All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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