I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
