I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
