Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
