in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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