omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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