new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
