he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
