he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
