Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
