So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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