oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why did my mother make you get naked?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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