in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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