I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
