We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
