is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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