Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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