you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
