i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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