We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
