Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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