How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
