My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
