she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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