i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
