I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
